Chapter 19

As bad as Zach felt about what Beth was thinking about him and Jeanine, he never brought it up with her. He and Beth occasionally ran into each other during school as well as before and after practice. Beth stopped coming to wrestling matches but Zach became a reliable basketball fan. He made a habit of standing in the top row of the bleachers and watching the games after wrestling practice whenever they played at home. Sometimes he scanned the bleachers, trying to guess which one of the middle-aged men in CFTHS Basketball sweatshirts was Beth’s father.

It appeared to him as though Beth had decided he was interesting enough to be friends with, but that was all. He could hardly blame her. Knowing that a flake like Jeanine could appear at any moment he could end up being more of a bother to her than he was worth. Zach was pretty sure he wanted more than just friendship but wasn’t sure how to make that happen. Hooking up with girls had been easier when everybody was drunk or stoned, even if the relationships never lasted long.

One day during Music Theory class at school Zach found something that temporarily filled the void that had opened up in his life. Not surprisingly, the class was his favorite part of the school day. He had signed up for the elective thinking it would be an easy “A” as well as a place to hang out with other musicians. It had turned out to be a difficult and demanding class. Mr. Gambrills, the bow-tied, crew-cut instructor, drilled his students hard on rhythm, harmony, melody and structure of music. A good number of the kids in class had never been exposed to this higher level of instruction, and most devoured it.

One morning Zach noticed Barbara Tangier pulling her guitar out of its case just before class was due to start. She moved across the room, spread some sheet music out on a music stand, and began strumming chords. Zach recognized the song immediately as ‘Losing My Religion’ by R.E.M. It was the perfect song for how he felt, he thought, even if he had no idea what the lyrics were. With so many minor chords it had a sad tone to it but it moved along enough that it didn’t drag. Even as the bell rang, signaling that class was about to begin, Zach couldn’t stop himself from walking over.

Mr. Gambrills was still at his desk and didn’t seem fazed at all that Tangier was playing her guitar rather than sitting at her desk. Zach knew the song well, but did he know it well enough to sing it? The lyrics were right in front of him. When Tangier reached the next refrain he jumped in and sang along. She looked up at him and smiled, then laughed. Zach kept singing while he looked over at Mr. Gambrills. He had a quizzical look on his face but seemed to be genuinely amused. When Tangier and Zach reached the chorus he heard a few voices from the other side of the classroom harmonizing against his own. That made it even more enjoyable for Zach, who until then hadn’t realized how hungry he was to make music. When the song was over he and Tangier said nothing to each other. With red faces they walked back to their desks as the rest of the students applauded and whooped.

Dumphries kept Zach filled in on how the band was doing with a few phone calls and an occasional visit to the Bowie household. From what he told Zach, Glimmer had settled in and gotten more comfortable singing lead. Dumphries thought that Max Richmond, the new bass player, was as good as Zach, much to Zach’s disappointment. The band’s sound was flatter, even bland, Dumphries told Zach, and Fauquier was worried about it. Glimmer looked good on stage but his voice didn’t “boom” the way Zach’s did, as Dumphries put it. Fauquier spent a lot of time at practice coaching Glimmer on making his voice more distinct and memorable.

“So he’s a big bore, in other words,” Zach said, trying not to show how pleased he was to hear that Fauquier wasn’t happy with his replacement.

“Pretty much,” Dumphries said. “Snore city. Bo really hates him. And you know Bo. He never lets up.”

As January turned into February Zach enjoyed success with wrestling. He knew full well that leaving the band had a lot to do with it. When he won his fifth straight match in a 9-0 shutout in a Wednesday night match at Western he started to believe he might really have some talent. So did his teammates, although they kept their distance out of fear of his temperament. Gone were the remarks about late night parties and hangovers. Easton showed less animosity as time went on, going so far as to stop referring to him as ‘Burnout’. Zach wished he was closer to the other wrestlers but he could at least take some satisfaction in knowing that he’d finally earned their respect.

Life was easier with only one full-time hobby instead of two. He got more sleep and had more time to keep his schoolwork in order. Everything slowed down to a pace that he could keep up with. Most importantly, the thankless task of balancing Fauquier’s demands against Coach Crisfield’s rules wasn’t something he had to deal with anymore.

Still, he missed the camaraderie of the band. Music offered a fulfillment that was different than what he took from wrestling or anything else. Nothing came close to the ecstasy of getting it just right, even if it was just during a practice session. Occasionally Zach fantasized about doing whatever it would take to get back in. He could never give up wrestling, and the exhilaration he felt each time he competed, but music would always be just as important. He was still unsure if he himself had made the decision to keep the wrestling and drop the music. It felt more like the decision had been made for him by circumstance, and that gnawed at him.